this is my baby working it! I am so proud of him because he refuses to give up on his dream. Long live dreams!
Long live the long saturday nights at home I spend waiting for the club to close.
Long live what my friend calls me "Helper Elves" everywhere!
This is a blog about the helper Elve. Im a helper Elve. The pay is rewarding if not negotiable in any store. Its negotible in knowing that your little help makes someone you love make their dream come true.
I have NEVER been lucky in the dating game. never dated a doctor or a porn star like some of my friends have. Never dated a model or a sports star. Hell, I never dated a chief, botle washer or Indian cheif
I did fall head over heels for a dj. A local guy who I thought was so cool. (what would he want with me) That I made it point to just appear wherever he would be.
I thought DJs made alot of money. I htought so anyway. When your a teen anyone with a couple hundred bucks can make you think that. So I was "interested" free drinks, free admission to clubs soon got old as i began to remember that I had a liver and alcohol isnt liver friendly and late nights are no friend to your skin either!
So i argued "why cant u just go to college etc, etc. The thing I didnt realize is everyone has or should have a dream. Some people are very happy just being in love. To them thats the epitome of happiness and thats fine. others want to make the most money, others want well whateva.
What did I want? I didnt know myself but I was scared to try! I wanted to be a writer and I wrote a couple plays and even did the first wrtie on a historical novel it died when all I git was sugguestions for re writes etc. But I wasnt hungry for it.
My friend Shawn wants to be a singer. hes from a really tiny town in NC and he moved up here to NY. he was so poor and plain and broke his damn draws were showing. But, everytime there was an open mike, a audition he was there. Even if he had to quiyt his job. He became to use a vulgar term " frustrated faggot. That poor guy had no life no love life and he ate and breathed music.
But it was his dream.
gabe was the same way. he once said Yo kell man I dont care if I never get paid its the feeling I get when i do a mix just right its like cumming. Its like sex. I didnt understand it until in the past few years after we were having so many problems that I decided maybe I need to start helping.
My friend called me gabes little Elf. Oh that sounds horrible but I wanted to learn. My job was in SW I worked at a work release center as a guidance counselor and I had no real dream just to join the union. Simple.
On weekends I started helping carry the trunks of records, i learned where the cords go, how to somewhat use the boards it was fasinating. I never caugght the full spirit but when I was listening to a song. A DJ that was doing a set at ta club did something and I began to ubnnderstand the love guys have for wax. To them its like a bible or concordance to a theologian.
TRUE, After awhile clubs all start to look the same and the music makes you dependent on Excedrin.
The funny thing about people that chose the Arts. Its a passion thats hard to understand. I guess I have the habit of likeing a paycheck but I look at a lot of these guys who are into music, dj ing, dancing or whatever and they will eat franks and be happy as a sissy in the county jail on a saturday night! I swear...
I remember years ago I was in school and he was djing and I thought that well two could actually live off his djing and me part timing doing whatever and it took so much patience. he never gave up. he works at the Bodega with papi and his family every day and evening and anytime a gig comes up hes there and I realized one day. Thats where his happiness lies.
I think alot of people are threatened by someones love of whatever they do. Especially if they embrace it. But I think that the fastest way to lose someone is to not support them in their endevors (this can be done thru simple omission). I have traveled to some of the crummiest places and some of the nicest. Ive tugged record crates after working five days a week and its cool I wouldnt change the last 8 years of my life for shit. Ive seen promoters disappear b4 paytime. Its a rough ass life!
Ive walked many many times. The last time gabe said kell dont come back if you arent going to accept me for me. i remember saying Trust me i wont. But, i missed not only him I missed being part of the dream. I missed the jump for joy dance when a gig came in. I missed the time we spent putting together the True Urban havoc podcast. I hated that damn thing when it first started since its not like a monetary pay I get. I use to quip " My pay is in peace and quiet for participating" and thats the best pay you can ever get.
I know a guy who goes with this transgender performer. The Trans has been on TV and performs all over and really he loves her so much. I looked at them one day we were in some club in Orlando and you could see the love. This was some years ago and when I saw the look om
on my own face ior rather felt it I understood.I dont come from a overly expressive family which may explain alot.
Sometimes a couples dreams are diffrent. Mine was to keep one lover, one job and work at it. Eventually grow old and see us both turn to damn prunes without being affected by the poisons that are not only part of the gay world but the world in general.
When gabe dropped out of college I remember being so pissed. Worthless ass I said to myself. There are a million djs in NYC alone! Ill never have a regular life. That life that whole scene involves bars and grills and clubs and parties where gay men in East Long island want a hunk on the turntables and trust me. Alot of crap goes with that. ALOT and you have to either be very secure or youll flip.
So here i am. Another saturday home alone. From 11:00PM to 4;00 AM and im thinking that I read alot of people happy with what they have and I envy them. They live normal lives but im happy for me. Im happy for who I have matured into. Im happy that ...well im just happy. And at the thought of sounding truly melodramatic/....Im Thankful
Long live the friend who texted me this pic. Its really cool being a helper elf year round!
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