journal20081007 Wee Hours ramblings

I hate I have to get up at this hour. I gotta let g in tho and its always so nice and quiet i can think. I have to get another front door key he loses his too much tho. It cost too much to keep changing the locks. Some people aren't good with keys.

There doesnt seem to be many poor people on the internet. Im poor as hell! Internet people seem to buy everything and Ive yet to see one high school drop out or crack head. Lying asses LOL I just get such a kick out of reading peoples profile and this one guy said hes a financier but I swear that apt looks like the damn south bronx. I blew that picture up and I tell you that home didnt look like them blog pages! just tickled me to death. Theres nothing wrong with being poor way I see it. Im always broke. When my ship comes in I damn sure wont be sitting here in the wee hours blogging. Ill be somewhere spending. Oh well...

Why does Verizon charge so much? How do I have a 100 dollar phone and internet bill? Sometimes i get on the internet just to get my 19.99 worth. The net is boring tho unless you like to chat and I have a sidekick for that. But its hard to get good chat buddies these days. I'm always at a damn loss as to what to say.So i just text my regular friends. They get tired of that shit too since we all live like 30 minutes at most from each other and have known each other since we were short dogs. Plus we see each other at least once a day! Its hard to find anything to text about.

I have a good chat buddy in Miami whenever he pays his phone bill.I had a 68 year old chat buddy. he was so kool I liked chatting with him on AIM at the time. But he was married and had just came out to his wife and was trying to figure out the gay life. he liked me too. But I didn't like him in that way. he was a little to old for me I guess. This was like years ago I think it was like 1999 only person I physically met off the internet. last one too. At least he got to live his life the way he wanted too even tho he had to wait till he was really old. I admire him for that.

I got a new one (chat buddy) in Tennessee's but all he talks about is his sex life. i suspect his ass is lying most of the time LOL. Ive seen his pictures and there is no way you can have that exciting a sex life and be that mean looking. he looks just mean but we were on I chat and his voice is like a girls. hes ok. I chat with him when no one else is available. I get tired of hearing about other peoples sex lives or lack thereof. I know hes lying because he tells me the same story three different ways in the course of a week. Plus he sends those damn fwds that I cant use anywhere they are the corny ones like you will have bad luck..I only get 400 text messages a month and he wastes about 20 of them. I have to block his texts.

Hell I'm in a relationship and don't see that much damn action! he has to be lying.. I dont know he lives with his mom. So maybe Its possible but hes really big too. But sometimes those overweight guys get the most play! You cant sleep on those Katts. But hes tooo willing to share the gory details that shit just sounds nasty even tho we do it but still. Hearing it is no turn on. hes ok tho.

That damn Gabe doesn't like the internet much. He cant type too good and I think my boo has a touch of the A.D.D. he gets on and if its not about music or the black liberation radio program he cant be bothered. I guess thet's a good thing from what everyone says about these web sites. I never go to them. I just like to type any way. I figure those Kat's be lying. At least the New Yorkers. new Yorkers Lie ...period. He has a blog page with nothing on it. Claims he forgot the password or somethin. I sneak and check but nothing! Some people just arent into the internet I guess.

Damn Verizon! Thats such a rip off. (us poor folk take being overcharged quite serious) I have to call them today. I hate that I have a landline but I feel weird without it plus T mobile gets crappy reception in certain parts of the house. Oh well. I always say if I have to call 911 after killing a bugler I want them to be able to get here without me trying to remember the address. i may be in shock.

I'm tired of hearing about the damn economy. I'm as broke as i was this time last year. Which isnt too bad i figure when I get extra I always spend it on BS anyway.The dog, the house, whatever How can some people save so well??? What is their secret?? I need one of those budgeting classes. No I need a windfall. A very rich long lost relative. hell every-time someone dies in my family it cost me. i don't apologize for that either. My family is like Nomads. deaths just about done me out of close relatives and savings ...Oh well

Death is very expensive. Many people say " U gotta live we cant afford to bury you" I should have become a undertaker. They make money any economy! Besides the dead never have done anything to me. Its these live ones we have to watch.

But I'm doing better i woke up yesterday with no bills! i told gabe that it was two days before bills are due. So we have to wake up thankful. I have that shit all timed. I wont even go to the mailbox till the 23rd. He says Im good with money. I mean Im not really frivilous. Its my own personal money im not good with.

You know, No one writes letters these days anyway so you know its all a bunch of bills and pre approved credit cards. My friends phone is off. he has a lot of credit debt. How do you get credit debt? crazy. You know you cant afford it or need it so why buy it on credit. Thats not kewl at all. then we cant talk on the phone cause your phone gets cut off. Well at least he doesnt borrow money id say hell no anyway. But still.

I was watching one of those television evangelists. Is it me or are those guys Pimps? he went on to talk about sowing a seed. So I called in and they asked what I wanted to pledge. i was like oh no sir, I have a need. I need money! They flat hung up on me. i laughed like a idiot. Those are things to do when home alone and bored. When I was younger id make obscene calls. Not really obscene just mess with people but you cant do it now with caller ID LOL

That was a good feeling. I had started not hanging out in the streets so id be in the house. Trying to stay out of trouble and mature. But I would be so bored! Id just dial my friends and pretend to be a telephone solicter or the nasty ones id say I was some dude from the club. They'd fall for it too cause I could disguise my voice. Go to talking and lieing their asses off! I got shawn so much that as soon as he gets suspious he says "Is that you kell playing on the damn phone" I always go to laughing and give myself away. he is at home cause he caught something and canrt work. So I use to just call all the time messing with him. hes a good dude. Were not best friends but were tight. hes reaally tall cant get a boyfriend for shit. i dont think he ever had one. hes shy I think about his height plus hes kinda feminine but if he just shuts up you wouldnt know it.

We were walking down some street in east NY they are crazy over there. So this dude comes up and I play alot too much sometimes so Im like yo sun whats good kid! Tis dude goes to actin like he knows me. My friend doesnt do stuff like that so he never meets nobody. Im workin on him tho. hes too good a catch to not have someone. the dude was probbly a a crack head I was playing with being it was like 12 30 in the morning LOL . So I get nooo points for that!

I try to get everything I need in the house so we go out less. Your home should have everything you need but thets crap. Someone breaks in your screwed. We got robbed two years ago. Thats the worse feeling in the world. They stole my PlayStation LOL. They didn't take al-ot cause everything is so big but they took my fathers wedding ring he had been dead about two years. That hurt nana so bad. Luckily she was getting a touch of dementia. I miss my Nana so much.

I cant get use to being out the house at night cause I cared for her for so long that its weird being out unless I'm going to a club or sommethin. I use to chat with QT on the phone last year i think it was on the porch id be on the porch from the time I got off work till i was called in by nana for dinner. Sort of made me like a kid again. But I loved it! I left home at like 14 or so so it gave me a chance to bond fore she died.

i really wish gabe worked better hours. i get bored as hell here. But I cant work the night shift i fall asleep or get sleepy. i admire those that can. he works at his fathers bodega. Its open 24 hours. i use to work there those crack heads use to cuss me out all the time. They buy 50 cent lighters and looseys all night. Its funny as hell. His family actually hit th number and thetas how they got the store His father is a nice man. i love him as if he was my own father. i have to cuss his ass out sometimes but other than that hes a good dude.

We want to move but we have Nana's dog patrick and its hard to move somewhere in Brooklyn where they allow pets. Th ats the problem. Plus every-time you move your looking at market value rent. Which is not good. A one bedroom in brooklyn in a decent 9not nice just decent) is about a grand a month. Most two bedrooms even in the crappy neighborhoods run

I admire gay guys who can keep a immaculate house. Not my virtue. i get sidetracked by ps2, telephones, the dog everything. as soon as i get one part clean ive torn up another part. I need a solution.

being hes family we cant just leave him. When Gabe's at work me and Pat chill. I never really had an animal before they are cool. I wonder do they think and what the hell they think about.

They say everyone needs a resolution. I kept last years i quit smoking. I cant believe I started smoking cigrettes in third grade. It wasnt even hard to quit they cost eight dollars and fifty cent here in New York a pack i just couldnt give that man my money like that. Felt like tricking or something. Hell, you can buy illegal drugs for less than that! I couldnt buy cancer at $8.50

Everyone says how did you quit smoking so easy. I was mad when they put that tax on their. i felt like one of those protestors. I would go in Papis Bodega and say how much is the ciggrettes? he would cuss me out cause id do it all the time. Hed say "Mother fucker the same as they were yesterday!" id say I cant pay that is wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself.Charging that shit for cancer! We laugh cause id do it every-time i go in the bodega but hes good people. thats gabes father.

I use to wonder did he like me he always made me feel like one of his sons. He told me that as long as his son is happy hes happy any friend of gabes is a friend of his. When he lost his wife I use to come over everyday and chill I like old people a lot we talk about life and shit. he said its better to have gay feelings then none at all." i thought at the time he had a damn nerve but hes right. Its better to have someone you like or love than no one to like or love. Sometimes we need others and we need to feel loved. Or at the worst needed. Or both. It took some getting used to. gabe is no flag waver but his family just knows we have always been friends which is weird caus ewe know everybody who the other has dated and stuff. Its creepy cause to me hes really my best friend first.

Even when i have problems i can say aww man shit. Yu always do that BS but I never go outside and say to my friends what he doees or doesnt do. I just figure thats not kewl. So we promised from day one to always tell each other if something we do aggravates the other. but hell, he does it too much he says kell why do u do thhis or that. i be like damn! Complainin ass. But i rather hear it from him then some fool in the street. But Im working on a new project each week. Like keeping my side of the room neat. Throwing away old sneakers ( i save all my sneakers i have 100 pair so far they all look new. i like sneakers) Just little things and Im reading more and watching TV less. Im trtying to self improve. For the new year.

There goes the bell. I'm out...