journal2008106 goading

Journal2008106

Its 3:38 am and I am finally home. I went to a club in mid town with my BF and his Cuz and a group of people some who I know. All were in the life but they were all cool, coupled and it was all good. Also everyone was Afro American and Latino. All New Yorkers except two from Boston. I like those blacks from Boston they are always so aloof acting. Everyone I have met we end up being fast telephone friends! They always cry about how Boston is predjudiced etc, etc but they never seem willing to move into the city. But, they are great for doing cultural stuff like museums and thosebam recitals, etc, etc

So why did I feel I missed something. The conversation was kool I could keep up with it. I didnt have much to contribute simply because I have this Thanksgiving thing coming up and the more I drank the more I knew I wouldnt be able to sleep and Id sleep my whole Saturday away.

But then it all got a lil pretentious or I took it that way. One couple was drug because they are buying a home and havent found one yet two years searching. Thye have been together I think 6 years every damn time we go out they talk about how they havent found "it' yet. I am really kool about it because I can mimic them perfectly and they really are nice but there is nothing worse than a second hand tour. I agree its time to buy a home once your assets are all in one big melting pot anyway.I think im jealous because part of me wants a home but I know its just one more thing id have to nag Gabe to do. Plus we just cant afford it. Plain and damn simple. Anyway, It seemed every break in conversation. They started that damn house shit LOL but, heres where the crap came in.

Someone at our table offered some sort of unsolicted advice about home buying.I mean they resally offered some boring shit no one wanted to hear. I make it a point to keep my mouth shut when it comes to advice but I dont know if it was the drinks or just this one person who we are not very cool. They said " Oh he works at ( name of the place where i work) maybe they can help you. Like get a list or something. My job is not high on the totem pole at all where I work. I ended up at this place because social work doesnt pay well at all and i was burned out.I woke up one morning about 8 years ago and could not get out the bed. I dreaded going to work. I was burned out. But when I heard what this person said I froze but I was drinking and I casually said " you damn sure know about my god damn bussiness....jesus fucking christ " right then and there you could see the ice freeze over and everyone get all uptight. I think its the way I talk. gabe says I sounded so nasty.

I have learned their are people who can goad you and you go out thinking that your have a nice time and you know they just dont like you. So being over 15 you stay away from them. Theirs nothing to gain in verbal warfare. But this guy I swear. he just makes me so misreable whenever were together hes a chatter box type person and is always "on" no matter what the conversation this ...guy always has a comment, a solution or a damn resolution. has been every where thiere is to have gone except to hell. How he even got in the group is a damn mystery I think his lover is friends with someone but his mate is a great person. But him?// Jesus

I dont know why this person doesnt like me I have never done anything to them before. I rarely call them. But i think it is chemistry. Bad chemistry. We clash Even saying hello makes my throat dry..

Luckily this other guy changed the subject so smoothly and he was kool enough to smile but my night was ruined. I hate that.

Now Im home. Ol gabe falls out anywhere and my house guest is in 7th heaven playing playstation. Im on this computer bored crapless...

That damn Leon Kessler.... he knows how to goad me! And fool me... I let him!