Christmas

Gabes family is going to Panama for Christmas. I could go if they had told me in advance sooo I guess they didn't want me 2 come not asking me at the last minute. POPPI says the tickets were a last minute blessing and he wants to see his sisters. I believe him but why do I feel that he doesn't really want me 2 come? Gabe wants to be on my side and say he shouldn't go but damn I've worked 2 hard to make our lives and families co exsist. a I'm too tired to fight anymore. Ill spend X mas with the dog and maybe friends. I met my cousin thanksgiving and I've igged all his calls he's to damn needy 4 me. that sounds bitchy as hell but I just don't care for my fathers side of the family they are southerners and alright but I'm just at some sort of crossroads. don't wanna be bothered.
I wish I could say I feel bad but I really don't. I'm just over it all. I read somewhere where u gotta be content with yourself 2 co exsist with others.

I really want to get some good music. I'm not into those messagy songs. People take life so damn serious sometimes makes me wanna take their life. damn that sounds fucked up.

I'm gonna come up with some ideas for my home business I'm not making much extra money on my home computer repair business at all. I see those commercials where these entrepernurs make 5k a month if I make 500 I'd be doing good. This recession is killing my azz.

I don't even want to be rich I just wanna be able to blow money without feeling guilty.

I met a nice guy on Yahoo a buddy 4 whatever the hell that's worth. who digs music but somethings wrong with him in his head cuz anytime I read an email and get aggie somethings not right. He is one of those people if he lived next door I'd hate. That's sooo funny but true

I'm off all this week. imma pack gabes suitcase. I think I'm pissed at this shit. I have absolutely nothing to do this xmas!!! and no one 2 do it with!!! nothing!!! I called Trish and she wants to hang New Years Eve but I am not a new years eve person.

oh well. I see how this years gonna end and 09 is gonna start. so be it.

I will have to acess my feelings because lately I haven't been to happy.