blog with no name

I slept all day! I was so stressed when I came in last night unbelieveably. I couldnt sleep when I first come home so I was sitting on my kick trying to blog and I couldnt blog 4 nothing.

Trust its a big thing when I cant type my feelings! So I crashed all misreable.

But I went to a concert last night with my people and their people. Its their people that were the problem. We were driving home all in the car the music blaring that cash money remix was on a satelite station it was hott and all of sudden the driver who i only met one time b4 ask me if i smoke weed. Which I dont reallly im the type person who can take one hit and be sooooo high I have no tolerance. Plus I cough whenever I smoke

So the driver. Thats where the whole evening goes bad. The driver is smoking these life size joints. Life size! so everyone is passing it around but I wasnt really feelin it so I just waved it away. I had gotten me a bag of grapes and two tangerines that were sweet as hell! They were cold and sweet and I had a red gatorade. Then this guy who lives near me. We are cool cause I went to school with his girl. Rolls this blunt ( some people can roll the hell outta them things! It looked like a regular cigar and it was snowing and sleeting in NY we had jkust went to a old skool thing up in harlem a concert at The Apollo. The driver was still smoking that shit like I mean inhaling the hell out of it. he wasnt coughing or nothing like mad smoke was just pouring out of him like that dragon that sleeps under the stairs on that old tv show. The munsters. he is older than most of us cause his son is like 32 so he should really know better youd think.

Then when we were coming around one of those curves that Linden Blvd has he almost lost control of the car. When you looked out the front window it looked like a dangerous driving game. Everybody was holding their breath. All you could hear was the rapper saying "ho ho ho I give gifts or some thing like trhat but that was all i remember. Trust me its almost christmas all I could think was we are gonna die and im high from a contact high. The car was so thick with smoke. Something happened to that dude that weed hit him on top of his head

I dont know why I didnt just speak up and say "let me out" I was like acting like a punk. I dont know deep down if i was intimidated because these are my peeps and im like the only gay one in the group and I didnt want to sound like a pounk. Sometimes I have these issues lkike that. I dont like them but its like sometimes i think its a self esteem thing. You be like in your mind. I should say this that or the other. Then you think. Shit if I say this they gonna say some BS to try and crush you. Then you can only get into the word thing so much with certin types of peeps b4 you thinbk you gonna have to whip some ass or get your ass whipped. Sometimes I dont be up for all that. Not that I cant fight but I been there when I fell out with this dude sess from the projects and I had to fight everytime I came thru Marci Projects.

I always been proud that their is no place I wont go and cant hang that may sound silly to people but if your not from brooklyn then you really dont understand. marci projects is like one of the roughest pjs in brokklyn. I have friends that when I say oh imma go over to marci they are like "oh I gotta go I dont do over there. gay or staright its rough. So Im at the point in ma life where I am not trying to be fighting cause people shoot nowdays no one fights anymore. They just shoot you

People may not understand stuff like that but I dont know what you call it when you dont wanna be all by yourself but I was like hell I dont wanna die either. So I was like "son r u ok? U got this ??" And it was like when he hit the weed he went somewhere in his head and was driving like sort of like when you play a playstation game and your all over the wheel gripping it and just staring at the road. That shit had me so scared.

I knew I should not have got in that car my tights all took the subway but I hate the subway so I wanted to ride. I was so stoned from just sitting in the car. I swear i never really had a contact high before. Im scared of weed a little cause one time I smoked a dust jointg that someone had doctored I didnt know it was dust and it was not a good feelin so Im really not into smoking stuff cause people put stuff in their just to get rec seeing you trip out.

Then when we get to brooklyn I had to pee so damn bad im sitting in the back seat rockin and shit mad as hell cause its sleeting and freezing and im basically stuck in the car cause now were in east New York when the phone starts ringing. The driver says....Oh youngbloods man I gotta make a run. So the other dude is like aight no problem. I didnt say nothing I was trying to hold my pee. Thats a misreable feeling when you gotta pee and your kind of high and you just been scared straight and and stuff

This dude drives us all the way to Corona queens to drop off a bundle of dope. Fuckin herion! Then his phone is like ringing and im in a car smellin like weed, with God knows how much dope is in the car. I know nothing bout queens Im like shit. Im going to jail cause im no thug! I just wear fuckin roca wear and listen to hip hop I dont live that lifestyle

Finally I just got him to stop so I could pee and Gee calls like where are yall. Im teklllin him shit I should have went with yall. He said id learn one day. The other dude who I knows b4 they can take me home he has to pick up a package of crack and pick up his money from some of his workers Im like awwwww shit! That takes forever cause the count is never right and plus he was smoking so hes gonna be argumenitive and that means the rest of us are in the car waiting and the old dude is gonna be smoking weed again. But damn I could not walk home from their and its hard to catch a cab in that area for a female it isnt but at 3 am they wontg stop for a young brother cause they be leery. so I just sat. This old dude somehow puts all thedrugs like somewhere where the tire is! Im thinking shit if we get pulled over i am so going away i wont see home till im 70

I thought about it I wasnt pissed about what they were doing I was pissed that what if he had hit that other car speeding and acting stupid and who wants to die or be paralyzed like that plus we all would have been in jail cause of the dope and you just know MF's aint gonna say " he aint had nothing to do with it" cause ppl is grimy.Plus we all are blacks and latinos

But I learned my lesson about always trying to be on the set cause that is some wild ish . When I got home I was sooo misreable. I had like a misery in my head. Like I wanted to cry. I have never been so misreable in my entire life. If I was 16 it would have been fun cause when I was 16 it would have been new but almost 16 years later its not fun or new. I rewally felt like i was a lil punk. I know It was that i gained conscious but still being conscious is no fun at all it can make you feel really misreable when you know right from wrong and can decipher the two.

I thought about it my nana only been dead since April 18 and if she was alive I wouldnt even had been around them cause she use to say leave them kids from the Houses alone caiuse they dont mean you no good or they self. She was right.

Its not like this is the first time this year I been doing all this stupid stuff but there is nothing to do at home except play on the computer and watch TV and it gets boring. But maybe boring is really good. cause I still have a earache today. oh well