Like a lost baby lamb......

Damn grief is a mother. Some nights I cant even sleep. I miss my Nana so god damn much. It hurts so bad. Im so tired of this damn pain. Its as if I lost everything in the world cause I lost my best friend my Nana banana.

I feel so sorry for Gabe cause when we watch TV and I see someone who has lost somebody I cant stand it I just fall apart/ No one tells you or prepareshow hard grieving is. It fuckin changes your whole life.

Im fine during the day but when I arrive home I feel the emptyness of Nana not here. I handle it until im alone then i just fall apart sometimes from just the music.

Toinight I was listening to our podcast show(True Urbane Havoc Entertainment hour) and I heard Nana laughing about a Charo song and It hurts but sometimes it soothes.

But thats how life is. We learn to handle things. We must laugh when we feel like crying we must rationilze the cycle that is life. Never let em see you cry cuz theirs not shit anyone can really do to make you feel any better and thats just how it is.

There is a old song I love. It was one of my nanas favorites called "Glad to be unhappy" and sometimes when i get like this it erases the pain and the normalcy that is my life returns.

Look at yourself if you had a sense of humour. You would laugh to beat the band.

Look at yourself do you still believe the rumour that romance is simply grand?

Since you took it on the chin you have lost that toothpaste grin

My mental state is all a jumble

I sit around and sadly mumble

Fools rush inso here I am

very glad to be unhappy

I cant win but here I am

More than glad to be unhappy

Unrequited loves a bore

and I got it pretty bad

But for someone you adore

its a pleasure to be sad.

Like a straying` baby lamb with no mammy and no pappy

Im so unhappy

But oh....so glad...From Billie Holiday..Lady in satin 1958,columbia records

Thank you God for the years you gave me with Nana. Im blessed. Forgive my greediness because I got use to her love and laughter and wit.

But as the author Tennyson says....Better to have loved ...Amen