LUST...LIKE A RAGING RIVER....

For some uncanny reason I have found its easier to judge when the shoe is on the other foot.

Today started off really nice and normal ( that is a rare occurence in my world) Normalcy is the one thing Ill lie in a minute ABOUT and say I want but will put forth no effort to acheive even a semblance of...

Sort of like the person who says "i want a job' but only goes looking ....occasionally (my fourth bf was like that)

So, at about 9am, i put last nights dishes in the dishwasher and walked across the street to Tonys, hes dominican and owns the bodega on my block. Thats where you can see everybody in the morning (this is for the single ppls) the post men come their everyday. They dont make alot and some of them are crack heads but if you can get past those character flaws they do get a paycheck. Oh and before I digress, They lie about their job. When me and Gabe were broke up I met one and we hung out. He didnt know that I knew who he was so I said where do u live. Lying shit said the shelter! my egg ...

Anyway, After I ate my brekfast he makes eggs and cheese with jelly on the bread I have been eating that since I was like....maybe 10. I go back home and 2 minutes later Bop rings my bell........

Who is Bop? Bop is the skinnest, cutest, guy god created he has the clearest skin. About my complexion but maybe lighter and hes just cool. I wired his jaw shut in 10th grade. lol not a good fighter but hes great at everything else

Now, heres the problem!!!

We were in the long hall that leads into the kitchen, the dishwasher is going and we are like really close and I swear I got so turned on!

This never happens really.

Gabe was in bed sleeping and I could hear his never ending tape its a reel to reel ( i swear I have yet to see the end of that damn 12 our tape.) it was playing one of his mixes. it was a smooth ,jazzy house number, the sexy type. It was so hot in that hall, the air condition wasnt even on. And for a split moment , maybe for about 3 or 4 seconds I was tempted to just have sex in the hallway.... and pray Gabe didnt wake up to go to the bathroom.

THATS SO FUCKED UP!!! BUT SO HUMAN

I know thats so fucked up But I felt just that way. We were so close and were about the same height 5ft 9 or 10 and he looked dead in my eyes .Then for a second just a second I wished me and Bop went together for just a lil while. iT SO WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL RIGHT

However, for the very first time sadly, I felt my BF was just getting old. Hes only I think 45 he was born 1964 and myself 74. But it was just a brief, fleeting moments thought more importantly I didnt act on the impulse...oooh I looked at his skinny jeans in a burnt I guess crayola sienna and his jordans and I just wanted to have sex ....in the middle summer ....in the hallway ....of my house then take a shower, drink some cold wine, smoke a ciggrette ( which i rarely do) and go back to damn bed.

I gave him what he came for .....which was the remote to the old PS2 which no one ever plays anyway. He said " kells give me ur number I lost the old one and like a fool I did. We talked about his wisdom tooth getting taken away. I so knew I should have said "No"... Cuz this katt upstairs said" hey give me your number and i was like "Hell no mother fucker" but to Bop I just took his phone ( it was green my fave and yeah T mobile and put my numbers in it. Feeling a lil wrong and enjoying the feeling) Plus I felt so young like back in the day.

3pm my phone rings and Bop says are you in Flatbush? And just the sound of his voice I swear I felt the stirrings of life in regions I wont mention in this blog. Plus I was standing in the cereal aisle of the associated supermarket trying to figure weather we would eat Captain Crunch and kind of annoyed that I cant find Frankenberry cereals anymore.

I wasnt in Flatbush he wanted to hang out on Flatbush ave cuz his girl was going to the city but I was in Crown Heights. Plus i wouldnt have trusted with my hormones running fuckin amuck to get in a tight proximity with him.

Now the thing is im Monogamous and ive been with Gee 8 years on september 13 it will be 9. I only felt that like 9 years ago when I screwed someone in the living room and got caught. Basically, he just walked in and looked so hurt I have never cheated on anyone again. That look haunts me. It has nothing to do with being damn virtuous. It has to do with not hurting people granted I was younger and this guy and me were living in Jacksonville Fla ( good times!) plus u gotta be careful cause u just do these days.You have to be fair to people.

So we talked and everytime he calls I like know that if and when I ever decide to have an affair hes the only guy I would have one with. But it was a fleeting moment. I read about fleeting moments once.....

actually I just would do it and not look for anything emotionally back...

Theres this song I love that goes

"lust, like a raging river

body language cant erase

you

your the quiet shy type

Fate

i was sold for the moment

baby tell me all about it

while im makin love 2 u 2

ttell me all about it

love like a raging river

body language

u

your the quiet shy type

me?

I was sold for the moment......."