WHY I LOVE BILLIE HOLIDAY

WHEN I WAS ABOUT TWELEVE I REMEMBER GOING TO THE LIBARY AND THE LIBARY WAS FOR ME WAS SUCHA MAGICAL PLACE! I WOULD READ EVERY AND ANYTHING. I WOULD GO BACK IN TIME SOMETIMES TO THE EARLY 1920'S. iD READ ABOUT SILENT FILMS, HITLER AND SO MUCH MORE!

ON THIS PARTICULAR SATURDAY I WAS LOOKING AT PAPER BACKS AND I SAW A WOMAN WITH A FLOWER BURNING IN HELL AND SINGING IT WAS THE BOOK "LADY SINGS THE BLUES"
I KNEW NOTHING OF BILLIE HOLIDAY OR HER MUSIC OR HER WORLD BUT I OPENED THE BOOK AND READ " MOM AND POP WERE JUST A COUPLE OF KIDS WHEN THEYGOT MARRIED HE WAS 19 SHE WAS SIXTEEN AND I WAS THREE"

WHAT THE HELL???

I HAD NEVER READ SUCH BEFORE! I WAS ALMOST 16 MARRIED, BABIES? WHAT IS THIS. I READ THE ENTIRE BOOK IN LESS THAN 2 HOURS MAYBE THREE ABD TOOK IT HOME.
COMMON SENSE HAD ME HIDE IT MY MOTHER DIDNT APPROVE OF ANYTHING WITH THE FIRES OFHELL ON THE FRONT COVER.(DRAWING ON RIGHT BY TONY COLON BRONX NY 1995)

THIS WOMAN WROTE OF DRUG ADDICTION, JAIL, PROSTITUTION, JAZZ AND IT ALL...SEEMED SO GLAMOROUS TO MY 12 YEAR OLD MIND. I REMEMBER SAYING TO MYSELF "IM GONNA EXPERIENCE EVERY THING LIFE HAS TO OFFER"

IN THE BOOK WERE THE WORDS TO THE SONG "GOD BLESS THE CHILD" I NEVER HEARD THAT SONG BEFORE. IT WOULD BE MANY MONTHS UNTIL I GOT THE CHANCE.

I REMEMBER ASKING EVERY ADULT "WHO WAS BILLIE HOLIDAY? DID YOU KNOW HER?" POP THOMAS WHO LIVED TO BE 99  LIVED AT 415 EDGECOMBE AVE  HE OWNED THE BUILDING THE WHOLE DAMN APT BUILDING! TOLD ME HE HAD MET HER MANY TIMES HE WAS A MAIL MAN. HE LIVED IN HARLEM AND HIS WIFE BLANCHE HAD DIED SHE WAS A PIANIST AT ST. PAULS CHURCH IN HARLEM I BELIEVE.

HE GAVE ME A 78 RPM RECORD CALLED "BODY AND SOUL" I THINK IT WAS BY BEN WEBSTER AND HE GAVE ME ANOTHER RECORD I CANT REMEMBER.. I CHERISHED THAT DAMN RECORD UNTIL ONE DAY IT WS ON TOP OF THE MONOPOLY GAME WHICH WAS ON TOP OF THE REFRIGATOR AND I WENT TO GET THE BOX AND THE RECORD SHATTERED.

I HAD NEVER EVEN HEARD THE RECORD PLAY CAUSE I DIDNT HAVE A 78RPM RECORD PLAYER THEY WERE OLD OUTDATED MACHINES.

STILL NO BILLIE. STILL NEVER HEARD JAZZ!! MY MOTHER WAS A NAT COLE FREAK AND MY FATHER DIDNT LISTEN TO NOTING AT ALL! MATTER OF FACT HE NEVER LISTENED TO MUSICTHAT I REMEMBER. HE LIKED HYMNS THO AND HED SING THEM HIMSELF SO THEY WERENT TO JAZZED UP AND WORLDLY.

I FINALLY GOT A HOLD OF A 33RPM RECORD AND IT WAS A COLUMBIA 3 LP SET CALLED BILLIE HOLIDAY THE GOLDEN YEARS VOLUME 3. I GOT IT AT A STORE FOR LIKE 4 BUCKS NEW. I REMEMBER GOING IN MY ROOM, CLOSING THE DOOR AND PUTTING ON THE RECORD.

WTF????

IT SOUNDED LIKE THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE LITTLE RASCALS TV SHOW !

 IT WAS SOOOOOOO CORNY! SO DATED...THE SONG WAS CALLED "BACK IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD" AND I HAD NEVER HEARD SUCH SHIT IN MY LIFE I WAS SO MAD! BUT I HAD SPENT 4 BUCKS I ONLY GOT 5 DOLLARS A WEEK ALLOWANCE!

SOMEWAY, SOMEHOW I STARTED TO DIG HER.

I REALLY DID!

I DONT KNOW WHY!!!

OR EVEN HOW...

MY MOTHER OMG, SHE WAS COOL AT FIRST BUT SHE DIDNT PARTICULARY CARE FOR LADY DAY A WHOLE LOT. SHE LIKED LOVERMAN WHICH I HAD NEVER EVER EVEN HEARD AND MY FATHER WAS A BIG FAN OF MY MAN, AND I CRIED FOR YOU. I SHARED THAT I LIKED "TIME ON MY HANDS" ID SING IT ALOT ALONG WITH "SWING BROTHER SWING" SHE DIDNT LIKE LENA HORNE EITHER MY MOTHER WAS A PRODUCT OF HER TIME. IN HER DAY BLACK WOMEN WERE SORE THAT LENA MARRIED SOME WHITE GUY A BAND LEADER NAMED LENNY HAYTON. PPL DONT REMEMBEER BUT LENA FELL OUT OF FAVOR WITH BLACK AMERICA FOR SOMETIME DURING THE LATE 40S. WITH TALK OF HER PURTO RICAN HERITAGE AND THE HUSBAND THEY THOUGHT SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS BETTER THAN...WITH BILLIE SHE FELL OUT OF FAVOR WITH BLACK WOMEN CAUSE HER LIFE AND PAIN MIRRORED THEIR OWN. RE SHE WAS A LIGHT SKINNED, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN A BIG DEAL IN HER DAY AND SHES OUT THERE GETTING ARRESTED AND ACTING THE FOOL...MY MOTHER COULDNT STAND HER SO SAID...SHE LOVED ETHEL WATERS..

MY BEST FRIEND WAS A BI RACIAL CAT NAMED DANNY WERE BEST FRIENDS AS HE LIVED NEXT DOOR HE DIDNT UNDERSTAND MY NEW FOUND LOVE FOR BILLIE HOLIDAY AND WED SIT IN MY ROOM AND LISTEN OVER AND OVER BUT HE NEVER DUG HER HE DID LIKE COUNTBASIES AND BILLIE HOLIDAYS "SWING BROTHER SWING" BUT NOT 2 MUCH.

SOON EVERYDAY I WAS LISTENING TO BILLIE HOLIDAY AND I WAS A FAN...I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS EVEN DEAD.

MY MOTHER SAID " HONEY SHE BEEN DEAD SINCE WAY B4 YOU WERE EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT BEFORE YOU WAS BORN. WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND HER??? UHHHH YOU DONT KNOW WHAT GOODMORNING HEARTACHE MEANS OR WHAT "DONT EXPLAIN IS TALKING ABOUT. BUT ONE DAY YOU WILL AND U WILL SEE IT ISNT ABOUT HAPPINESS"

WHAT???
DEAD???


CRAP!!!!

MY MOTHER EXPLAINED SHE (LADY DAY) WAS A WOMAN WITH EXCESSES. SHE TOOK DRUGS AND DRANK LIQOUR AND PROBBLY DIDNT GO TO MASS. SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT. SHE ALSO SAID "BILLIE HOLIDAY WAS A DISGRACE TO NEGROES"

I ONLY LOVED HER MORE I WAS FASINATED!

YEARS LATER I ASKED MY MOM WHY SHE SAID ALL THOSE MEAN THINGS ABOUT BILLIE HOLIDAY. SHE SAID, SHE WAS WORRIED THAT I LIKED HER TOO MUCH. SHE DINT WANT ME TO TRY AND BE LIKE HER. SHE SAID I EVEN COULD SING LIKE A LIL AND THAT WAS TRUE I  DID A GOOD INPERSONATION OF HER TO ANYONE WHO DARED LISTEN. I WAS A KID WITH A NASAL VOICE LOL

MY AUNT LINDA LOVED HER TOO AND SHED BORROW ALL MY RECORDS AND TAPED THEM SHE WAS CHEAP! SHE TOLD ME SHE LISTENED AND SAW HER MANY TIMES AT CLUBS IN HARLEM AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL. SHE COULD NAME ALL THE OLD CLUBS TOO. ALSO ESTHER TREDWELL, A PIANIST WHO WAS MARRIED TO A MUSICIAN NAMED GEORGE TREDWELL HE HAD MANAGED SARAH VAUGHN I WAS TOLD AND WAS A GOOD FRIEND OF SINGER JOYA SHERELL WOULD BORROW MY RECORDS AND TELL STORIES OF BILLIE HOLIDAY 2 ME. SHE LIVED IN SAINT ALBANS NY AND SHE SAID BIILIE USE TO LIVE THERE WITH HER MAN/MANAGER. ST ALBANS WAS A BIG DEAL IN THE 1940S SO I HEARD.
I SOAKED IT ALL IN I WAS IN HEAVEN

AS TIME WENT ON I HAD A BILLIE HOLIDAY SCRAPBOOK AND PEOPLE/FRIENDS WHO WERE ARTISTS WOUOLD DRAW PICTURES OF BILLIE HOLIDAY FOR ME.

BUT, WHEN I TURNED 16 BILLIE HOLIDAY SAVED ME FROM BECOMING A DRUG ADDICT. HERION WAS A BIG DEAL AND EVERYONE WAS DOING IT. THEY WERE SHOOTING IT WITH COKE IN THE LOWER EAST SIDE OF NEW YORK. MY BEST FRIEND GOD REST HIS SOUL GOT HOOKED AT 15 AND WE USE TO HANG OUT IN ALL THE BIG TIME DOPE SPOTS IN THE LES AND IN HARLEM. BIG CLAW AND LINDAS ON 115TH STREET, CALVIN CLEINS IN BROOKLYN, MYUNCLE HENRIS ON E 2ND. AT 15 I KNEW EVERY HOE ON HOUSTON STREET, 125TH AND 3RD, AND 11TH AVE IN NYC. ID MAKE RUNS FOR ALL THOSE GIRLS BACK THEN. ID CARRY  THEIRDOPE AND EVERYTHING. I USE TO RUNAWAY IN THOSE DAYS BOT BECAUSE I DIDNT LIKE HOME BUT BECAUSE THE WORLS WAS SO INTERESTING. ID SMOKE REEFER, HASH, DRINK LIQOUR AND I WAS YOUNG AND EVERYONE LIKED ME. I WAS SO HAPPY!

IN HER BOOK(BILLIE HOLIDAY) SHE SAID " DOING DOPE WILL KILLYOU THE LONG SLOW HARD WAY AND THOSE YOU LOVE" SHE WAS DAMNNED RIGHT! IT KILLED MY UNCLE HENRY HE WAS A PIMP IN THE 70'S AND 80'S AND A MAINLINER HE CAUGHT HEPITITUS. HE TRIED TO SHOOT ME UP AND I SAID "NO" HE TRIED TO BEAT ME UP. HE HAD TWO BEAUTIFUL HOES BUNNY AND I CANT REMEMBER THE OTHER ONE.  HE WASNT A REAL UNCLE HE WAS A FRIEND OF FAMILY. ID RUN AWAY AND HED LET ME LIVE THERE. HE'D TRIED TO MOLEST ME WHEN HE WAS HIGH. BUT HE NEVER DID. HE WAS AN EVVIL OLD BASTARD. A WELFARE CHEAT AND AN ABUSER OF WOMEN AND YOUNG MEN AND A PEDOPHILE. HE WAS A SICK PERSON . WHEN MY MOTHER CAUGHT WIND SHE WAS GOING TO TURN ME OVER TO BE A WARD OF THE STATE INSTEAD THEY SOLD THEI RHOUSE AND MOVED ME AND THEM OUT OF NY FOR A WHILE.

I NEVER GOT INTO THE DOPE....THANK GOD BUT I LOST 16 FRIENDS IN THE 1990S TO AIDS AND DOPE

THEKLA HOLDER
CHRIS KEYES
LEON KESSLER
BRIAN VAUGHN
B. WHITE
RAYMOND M
CHARLES
PATASSA
AND THE LIST GOES ON.....

BILLIE HOLIDAY S WORDS SAVED MY LIFE THATS WHY TILL THIS DAY I LOVE HER SO....

THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED IN LOVING MEMORY TO MY NANA 1923-2008...WHO ALAWYS TRIED TO SHOW ME THE WAY TO BE A DECENT PERSON...SHE ALSO TAUGHT ME HOW TO IGNORE THE HATAS ...AND MAKE EM HATE EVEN MORE WHILE YOU WENT ON WITH THE TASK OF LIVING..THANK YOU I LOVE YOU....