blog with no name

I slept all day! I was so stressed when I came in last night unbelieveably. I couldnt sleep when I first come home so I was sitting on my kick trying to blog and I couldnt blog 4 nothing.

Trust its a big thing when I cant type my feelings! So I crashed all misreable.

But I went to a concert last night with my people and their people. Its their people that were the problem. We were driving home all in the car the music blaring that cash money remix was on a satelite station it was hott and all of sudden the driver who i only met one time b4 ask me if i smoke weed. Which I dont reallly im the type person who can take one hit and be sooooo high I have no tolerance. Plus I cough whenever I smoke

So the driver. Thats where the whole evening goes bad. The driver is smoking these life size joints. Life size! so everyone is passing it around but I wasnt really feelin it so I just waved it away. I had gotten me a bag of grapes and two tangerines that were sweet as hell! They were cold and sweet and I had a red gatorade. Then this guy who lives near me. We are cool cause I went to school with his girl. Rolls this blunt ( some people can roll the hell outta them things! It looked like a regular cigar and it was snowing and sleeting in NY we had jkust went to a old skool thing up in harlem a concert at The Apollo. The driver was still smoking that shit like I mean inhaling the hell out of it. he wasnt coughing or nothing like mad smoke was just pouring out of him like that dragon that sleeps under the stairs on that old tv show. The munsters. he is older than most of us cause his son is like 32 so he should really know better youd think.

Then when we were coming around one of those curves that Linden Blvd has he almost lost control of the car. When you looked out the front window it looked like a dangerous driving game. Everybody was holding their breath. All you could hear was the rapper saying "ho ho ho I give gifts or some thing like trhat but that was all i remember. Trust me its almost christmas all I could think was we are gonna die and im high from a contact high. The car was so thick with smoke. Something happened to that dude that weed hit him on top of his head

I dont know why I didnt just speak up and say "let me out" I was like acting like a punk. I dont know deep down if i was intimidated because these are my peeps and im like the only gay one in the group and I didnt want to sound like a pounk. Sometimes I have these issues lkike that. I dont like them but its like sometimes i think its a self esteem thing. You be like in your mind. I should say this that or the other. Then you think. Shit if I say this they gonna say some BS to try and crush you. Then you can only get into the word thing so much with certin types of peeps b4 you thinbk you gonna have to whip some ass or get your ass whipped. Sometimes I dont be up for all that. Not that I cant fight but I been there when I fell out with this dude sess from the projects and I had to fight everytime I came thru Marci Projects.

I always been proud that their is no place I wont go and cant hang that may sound silly to people but if your not from brooklyn then you really dont understand. marci projects is like one of the roughest pjs in brokklyn. I have friends that when I say oh imma go over to marci they are like "oh I gotta go I dont do over there. gay or staright its rough. So Im at the point in ma life where I am not trying to be fighting cause people shoot nowdays no one fights anymore. They just shoot you

People may not understand stuff like that but I dont know what you call it when you dont wanna be all by yourself but I was like hell I dont wanna die either. So I was like "son r u ok? U got this ??" And it was like when he hit the weed he went somewhere in his head and was driving like sort of like when you play a playstation game and your all over the wheel gripping it and just staring at the road. That shit had me so scared.

I knew I should not have got in that car my tights all took the subway but I hate the subway so I wanted to ride. I was so stoned from just sitting in the car. I swear i never really had a contact high before. Im scared of weed a little cause one time I smoked a dust jointg that someone had doctored I didnt know it was dust and it was not a good feelin so Im really not into smoking stuff cause people put stuff in their just to get rec seeing you trip out.

Then when we get to brooklyn I had to pee so damn bad im sitting in the back seat rockin and shit mad as hell cause its sleeting and freezing and im basically stuck in the car cause now were in east New York when the phone starts ringing. The driver says....Oh youngbloods man I gotta make a run. So the other dude is like aight no problem. I didnt say nothing I was trying to hold my pee. Thats a misreable feeling when you gotta pee and your kind of high and you just been scared straight and and stuff

This dude drives us all the way to Corona queens to drop off a bundle of dope. Fuckin herion! Then his phone is like ringing and im in a car smellin like weed, with God knows how much dope is in the car. I know nothing bout queens Im like shit. Im going to jail cause im no thug! I just wear fuckin roca wear and listen to hip hop I dont live that lifestyle

Finally I just got him to stop so I could pee and Gee calls like where are yall. Im teklllin him shit I should have went with yall. He said id learn one day. The other dude who I knows b4 they can take me home he has to pick up a package of crack and pick up his money from some of his workers Im like awwwww shit! That takes forever cause the count is never right and plus he was smoking so hes gonna be argumenitive and that means the rest of us are in the car waiting and the old dude is gonna be smoking weed again. But damn I could not walk home from their and its hard to catch a cab in that area for a female it isnt but at 3 am they wontg stop for a young brother cause they be leery. so I just sat. This old dude somehow puts all thedrugs like somewhere where the tire is! Im thinking shit if we get pulled over i am so going away i wont see home till im 70

I thought about it I wasnt pissed about what they were doing I was pissed that what if he had hit that other car speeding and acting stupid and who wants to die or be paralyzed like that plus we all would have been in jail cause of the dope and you just know MF's aint gonna say " he aint had nothing to do with it" cause ppl is grimy.Plus we all are blacks and latinos

But I learned my lesson about always trying to be on the set cause that is some wild ish . When I got home I was sooo misreable. I had like a misery in my head. Like I wanted to cry. I have never been so misreable in my entire life. If I was 16 it would have been fun cause when I was 16 it would have been new but almost 16 years later its not fun or new. I rewally felt like i was a lil punk. I know It was that i gained conscious but still being conscious is no fun at all it can make you feel really misreable when you know right from wrong and can decipher the two.

I thought about it my nana only been dead since April 18 and if she was alive I wouldnt even had been around them cause she use to say leave them kids from the Houses alone caiuse they dont mean you no good or they self. She was right.

Its not like this is the first time this year I been doing all this stupid stuff but there is nothing to do at home except play on the computer and watch TV and it gets boring. But maybe boring is really good. cause I still have a earache today. oh well

Nothing to be proud about

I need to grow up

The car was full of weed smoke.Listening to cash Money crew and acting stupid. I mean if po po had pulled us over wed all be in jail. Chicks that went with us were carrying MF's packages!

I have nothing against hustlers and people who sling to make ends meet. . I been there done that not to the grreat extent these ppl have tho. I have to admit. Its fasinating when you really check it out. But its like falling into a hole it can be hard to rise

Dont get me wrong I have pics in my camerea of people just doing lines in the club or whatever but to get behind a wheel and drive? is not good. To do it while driving is crazy.

I was like do i hate myself this much?

i was sitting in the back seat high as hell tho off the contact.The smoke was madd thick Thats why I cant sleep. Gee took a train to the Apollo from work but me I wanrted to be with the knuckle heads. I wanted to hang.

I never felt so bad in my life. Im going to work on some shit within myself. Ill never be a siditty person but I dont need to just give in to be a part of or cling to people because Ive known them all my life. Im really begining to feel its not healthy. Im the only one im gonna hurt if I keep this up. Thats the way it always is. But making new friends is hard too. Specially once your grown

I tried to hang with other types I dont fit in with them. I can do it and have done it but then its back to the ghetto i go. Im more comfortable around those types of ppls I think I have a esteem problem. naw I just like to be in that enviroment

Ever see those movies with a car full of black youth. the police pull them over and its all over. Thats what I felt like tonight. Like I was throwing glass in a brick house.

I should have said soemthin but im not gonna lie part of me thinks thats wack and the other part knows its the right thing to do. Driving under the influence is wrong. But I couldnt say shit. I was just chillin and it was fucking with me. Like yo, I should get out the car. But I think I was stoned as hell

Old boy the driver took a drag off a life size blunt and I swear I thought we were gonna die.He was stones as hell the car I thoiught with the snow and slush we werre blessed it didnt just hydroplane or whatever. Everyone was laughing about that but then everyone got mad quiet. but I wasnt feeling that at all.

When we got to 125th street G was like damn you smell like weed! All in my hair and everything. Theres nothing wrong with weed but on that parkway that just to me wasnt cool

damn

Imma sleep all day and chill.

I just wanna forget that tonight even happened for all the fun I felt I was pushing myself to enjoy it. Now I feel crappy. Like I wasted a lot of hours .

Weird not a good thing

FuN FuNnIeS

Funny Funnies.....

You will all be so pleased to receive this........ How many times have we been 'up there without one!' ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm So EXCITED!!! ...La belle and what the meaning of love is to me

Gable got 2 tickets to the Apollo for tomorrow night. His co worker gave them to him cause he and his wife cant go. Labelle is having a concert. I admit I know nothing about the group. He was born in like 1964 and said when he was really young they were very popular. I have heard the song Lady Marmalade. So I cant wait to hear the real version. The version I'm really familiar with is Christina Aguleria and Lil Kim ( I know) ghat's awful. But Ive heard Patti Labelle sing it to. Everyone has. I'm doing a googly to see what they sung

I just know its gonna be fun cause the "children" will be out in full force.Thats gonna be the fun part..I hope my Sidekick can get pretty good pictures?

I was at work singing "I'm so excited I cant hide it dah dah dah...I thought that was a la belle song. The copy guy from archives politely told me " "Thats is not a patti song that a pointer or should i say Pointless tune." he has this funny voice so I always kind of laugh whenever he talks. he is cool tho. hes one of those co workers everyone loves to take a break with cause he is so damn funny. Damn hateful queen! He Told my behind!! LOL

I'm still singing it anyway. It will be my pointer turned la belle song! hell! because this is like history. He said they haven't performed together in many years and they are legendary. The kid at work said this and he knows his music and he said hes a member of the Patti la belle fan club which was formed by Luther vandross. i don't know if ghat's all true if luther formed a fan club but Arthur is 46 years old and knows his music whenever i don't know a song if you hum it he will tell you the song and what the record looked like that it came on and give you a bio!

How do I know this concert is a big deal. When I come out the restroom he said " You be careful now because if you were to slip and fall you d miss a really important concert but id be more than glad to take your place LOL" hes crazy

I went to dentist after work. She is the sweetest dentist in the world and so gentle. I do not like dentists at all.

My nana raised me but my mother ( natural mother) left me at the hospital ( my grandfathers daughter is my mother)she sort of abandoned me.

(she had problems that I wont go into she still does tho we don't talk) So i was a ward of the state till nana got me. So being I was with this foster care agancy till she could adopt me legally I had to go to the dentist the state give you. i went one time and it was a torture chamber and as I was in the chair today i remembered this memory and nana never took me their again from then on I went to this other dentist I cant remember the name now I remembered it when i was in the chair tho.

But my point is that is love. nana loved me so much and she wouldnt let anyone hurt me. I deep down can never complain about nothing life ever throws at me because real love is the hardest thing you will ever hope to receive. Its not guranteed your family will love you. But if you are loved by just one person in your misreable journey here on earth. You are blessed beyond measure. and I was so blessed.I'm proud of that Ill brag about it till the day I Die!

My eyes got teary in the chair and the dentist asked me whats wrong. She talks to me like I'm a lil kid cause i get crazy nervous in the dentist chair. i told her I just felt soo good. It was as if my nana was holding my hand in that dentist. I close my eyes when she was doing a deep cleaning and I imagine Nana's hand holding me saying the 23 Psalm that was her favorite psalm

Some days I miss her so much. I cant help it. I miss her so much. It just sweeps over you sometimes and you feel your eyes burn but the tears don't come then you are ok. I hope one day someone loves me so much so that when I go they feel this feeling. It may sound like a bad feeling but it is not. It is a feeling that lets you know for one period in your life all was well and when the storms come i can look back at that time and face whatever bullshit has come my way and say yeah I'm going thru this but at one time my world was straight gravy...

My Dilemna and other jacked up things in my life

I wonder if you are in a relationship with someone who is older than you. How do you find mutual entertainment. We havent been doing to well their.

so Im working third shift I get off at like 5:30 am a half hour. I call home and i ask this question. he says he just has outgrown the shit we do!!! All we do is drive around and listen to music most of the times its rap so maybe thats it. H hates rap. Right now I am into birdman and santana. But I listen to old music alot to at home anyway.

Im not insulted but hell his friends dont do anything exciting except listen to music, drink beer (and not even the good stuff) oh and play pool. Im sick of house music after awahile it sounds sooo gay. Like some ball is about to be put on. But we all have our preferances no need complaining . But i hate playing pity pat i lose all the damn time.

Sometimes though I can be really calm but I think sometimes im a lil ADD. I like to just have fun. i dont want to always do stuff around the house or go to Fridays or worry about money. That may be immaturity. But hell, I did finish school and all that. That should count for something in this world. All i get is I should go back to school. Get a masterrs. Shit it took me 5 damn years toi get a 4 year degree.

I just dont know. Im going to try and make more gay friends. I think its a thing of the people I hang with. I dont get along with alot of gay people. You can only stand to hear about dick and azz so many times till u think a person is retarded or thirsty as hell. Then my other frineds are just so damn wanna be intellectual. You know the gays that are always in college or attending this workshop or that. but never graduate. Never! hell type bachlors degree are they going for??? The conversations are just so stuck up I wanna puke. it wouldnt be so bad if I didnt know them when there damn drawers were showing. Now? Lord have mercy you would of thought they were all born with silver spoons. They drag me sometimes

One overweight one I know says, Well they just arent like us.! m like shit this bitches mother was a crack head and use to sell ass oin queens plazza hell is he talking about damn us/ Actually, im the only one that wwas raised fin long island the bulk of my friends are from damn brooklyn. I just thought about that shit

i cant hang with em. fuck that I need a better solution. hell I cant talk took me 5 damn years to get a 4 year degree and still dont know what the hell I learned! but hell...

Straight dudes are just as bad they always talk about pussy.

I think we as a nation are preoccupied with sex..

im trying to remember did i ever talk alot about sex or did I just do it? i think I was preoccupied with sedx as a 20 year old. i was perverted in a way. But u grow out of it

Some of my friends are a little rough around the edges sort of ghetto and the gay ones I can only take small doses of. My best gay friends are about 4. The rest are undercover bi sexuals and straight men and women. Others are just unidentified walking objects. i dont think even they can define themselves.

lately i have been uncomfortable around some of my straight friends like I just arent feeling them anymore like that. To wanna hang alot when they come around I know its more of the same BS. Maybe I am at a crossroads?

Do u know most gays cheat on their people? The ones I know are always cheating I mean with complete strangers. that damn K is a perfect examble. he came to hang and was standing on the corner with me. This light skinn guy, i cant remember his name but he kjknew me cuz he called me lil panna which means he knows me. So he was talking to me and i was like fuck this fool but he had a big bottle of something or nother so i was just tripping like yo give me the bottle so me and my friend can get our drink on...just slick talk playing. The dude gave me a five dollar bill to go buy some winecoolers if I wanted so that was cool. i go across the street and come back with three coolers and hadnt this punk took the guy into his apartment! About a half hour later this bitch comes flying down talking about the dude stole his wedding band that was in the bathroom! Then had the nerve to say the dude liked me. Now k has been with his lover for like 5 years. So that was jacked up. But I laughed. he had to lie to his signifigent other about his band too so that was jacked up. Plus with his looks he will be hard pressed to find someone else lOL I hasd to add that. Actually i dont see what these guys see in him but he definately has something! I cant hate on him 2 much. That dude can pull some fyne katts

I wonder is this a bad sign. Ive known G all my life. I think hes pissed that i been hanging on Albany alot in my free time. Maybe he feels threatned. Maybe hes just going thru a faze.

ill have to learn to play pool or something I guess. Im just bored cause its winter nothing to do. No basketball to play. Just home and work and it gets dark so quick.

I hope spring come soon! damn my battery is dying

Jealousy

The green eyes monster got me. I was so jealous of Xcells new car. Anyway, he drove all of us around. Cynthia sat on my lap just so she could go LMAO. I felt sooo straight. naw just kidding.

Sometimes when we see our friends get ahead we wonder why am I not progressing. What can i do to step up my game.

Cuz the only people that really dont care about possesions and living well are really old people. babys and people with no ambition whatsoever...Oh and crack heads.

But I wouldnt do illegal shit to get stuff so Ill guess ill be poor because half of that crew sells drugs and shit and when they go to jail there asses will be writing nme but I don want them to go their to jail.

Sometimes life is a drag

But I was jealous for a minute. I told him like son im like jealous as a MF. he was like awww nukka please. This shit is financed to the gill. But his girl got a good job. The car is beautiful i want a new car hell I want a new bike hell I want a new life !!

My new York New York Citys Greenwich Village pt 1

Whenever it gets warm I like to go down into the village. There is a small park across from the Stonewall Bar ( the home of the NY Gay revolution) Thats the bar when back in the 1960's that they had the famous Stonewall riots. Ironically, when I read a lot of the big name activists they always talk about the predjudice that prevails between blacks and white gays down their. I however disagree 100% I wont say their is no predjudice but their is preferance. But if you hang out their in the daytime. many of the blacks and whites that hang in that park are out and out gay men and women and transvestites. Most of them have alot of problems like addictions, hiv, homelessness. I use to bring lunch to a homeless drag queen when i worked in Chelsea. The stautue is of two men and two women sort of a gay symbiolism type of art. People from all over the world come and take pictures of the statue or with it

I love the Magnolia bakery. Whenever im in downtown manhattan I get a half dozen of their to die for cupcakes. You may remember this bakery from the series "sex and the city". But it really is the best place in the world. Now, these people who own it at 4pm they bring alot of boxed cupcakes down tto the Christopher street park and share with the homeless gay men that are their. This may make some people mad but I dont give a runny shit. I read some of the big name activists who blog about this and that and I have never seen one of them do a damn thing to help our gay brothers who are down in this park. yet, they will go on and on blogging for days about "the black and white gay dilemna" Ill say this if i was white and was taking care of as many gay people who are homeless and hungry id think that the rest of their race was crap. To me talk is cheap action is everything. During the early spring I never saw one african american or latino do anything for those people who hang in that park. never. I saw Itallian gay men, Asian gay men, Straight people, Chinese you name it. They go into that park and bring food, sodas, all types of stuff. but I never, ever saw my own their. That to me is disgusting and pitiful as hell. But then I get on the internet and i see so many of these so called intellectual brothers typing on and on about this, that and the other. Not cool to me at all. Not when you have a hungry gay crack addict out there not only killing himself but when they trick for food or whatever their spreading that shit because they have to live. No one ebver thinks about that I bet.

Thats so not cool. I cant say how many times i was down their and id meet people and id go to Gristedes and buy a damn sandwich for a gay black brother who may not have eaten. I use to be scasred cause they would kind of push up on you like and id be like nah you know if u hungry ill get you sumthin to eat but im not with that other shit. You gotta be careful but in your heart you know who has needs. i came up in this city so I know.

Sometimes we would talk and they would tell me they had HIV or AIDS and was waiting for a permanent housing solution or whatever. I dont have much but if I can do a little something I will thats whats up in this world

Usually in the spring I go to Washington square park they have a park for the dogs and I take my patrick their. Those New Yorkers have the most gorgeouos pedigree dogs. I love that park. I use to live in the LES back in the day it was like my first apartment with this guy I use to go with. We lived on east 2nd Street between avenues A & B. The building is gone now we lived in the 174 building. Thats when i fell in love with Washington Square park. i was like maybe 16 it was my first really truely relationship. Didnt work tho but I still have fond memories and it was the first time I was independent

thats why I like that part of manhattan

JAHS DAY..Some Of .MY Birthday pics and my peeps (picture blog)

This was my Birthday day AKA "Born Day" and it was fun and it took me a few days to re coup cause I had such major fun. Plus I had to download all my pics off the T Mobile site cause Gabe got me a new Sidekick.Cuz the other one got broke.

Im really into Sidekicks and I want the 2008 now but I probbly wont get cause its almost Christmas. I had two cakes this small one was all mine and I take it home. My friend Pat and Kass made it for me.

My friend Nutt gave me a cool gift and trust me for him thats cool cause hes a cheap ass madicones. LOL. naw hes still a student and doesnt have alot of $$$$ to throw around but everywhere i can get in he can get in cuz we es HERMANOS!!!! hes like my make belive brother cuz I dont have brothers and sisters I gotta pick em up as I go along.

Aight my man who is dominican took me to Fridays and we pigged the F out on sundaes. He calls me his road dawg cause whenever im stuck home alone cuz of whateva he calls and off we go on what we call an "adventure" Just going to stores or eating out. anyway sundaes?

Those things are waaaaaaayyyyyy rich and good and u get like a crazy sugar rush thats crazy. then

Patricks father even came! Patricks my dog and his dad looks just like him. his sister lives in the bronx with albert and his other brother lives in washington heights. But they get to see each other but i dont believe dogs give a damn about that family shit cause patrick is always trying to fuck his sister. nasty DOG LMAO

once we got back to our crib i had to invite my next door neighbor that we we could turn up the music. LOL.

Our Sunday meal Arroz Con Pollo

Dont let the name fool you we all eat you dont have to be from Panama its Chicken and rice! This is my nanas recipe for it. You will it way milder than most and really easy to make and enjoyable. my maternal Great Grandmother, made it for my great Grand Pop, my nana made it for my Popppi and I made it for nana, poppi, gabe and anyone else who comes over on Sunday. Its very simple and makes the house smell like you are really on the ball too LOL

Ingredients:

3 lbs chicken pieces
about a cup of Crisco ( i use thighs)
1 lb pork cut in sm. pieces
1 can pimientos (sliced)
4 chorizo sausages
1/2 bottle stuffed olives
28 oz can tomatoes
2 bay leaves 15 oz tomato sauce
4 cups rice *
1 bunch parsley (chopped)
1 tsp saffron *
2 large onions (chopped)
Salt & pepper to taste
4 cloves garlic (chopped)
1 can peas

Directions:

Brown chicken and pork in Crisco. Add sausages and cook. (I take out some of the grease before adding the rest of the ingredients.) Then add tomatoes, tomato sauce, parsley, onions, garlic, bay leaves, saffron, salt and pepper. Simmer until chicken is tender. Remove chicken and add rice. Cook on medium high until liquid is absorbed. Then cover tightly and steam until rice is done. When serving, add can of heated peas and pimientos over the top. sometimes i just use the can but if you really want to go all out you can make them from dried peas but thats hours and you will need to do it like one day before.

Arrange chicken around the sides. (Or remove chicken from bones and add to rice.) Parsley may also be used if you plan to serve it in your dining room it will be decorative..

We eat a Panamanian dinner here in brooklyn, New York every Sunday with arroz con pollo, plantain, stuffed chayote, mango salad and a coffee dessert. the secret with coffee instead of using cream use readi whip. It tastes so much better and makes it look like your really a culinary something or other LOL

very important ! *(Saffron is expensive and sometimes hard to find. I buy packaged Saffron rice and substitute half that kind with regular plain white rice, please dontg use uncle nbens converted or that crappy minute rice in the plastic bag!!! just use half plain and it gives it a extra good flavor.)

---

rum soaked plantains are really easy to make. make sure you know how to buy your plantains. use the yellow ones for these type of recipes the green ones are good for cooking your brekfast plantain cereal with bacon, etc. But for this i use ripe sweet ones.

6 ripe plantains
2 tbsp. rum (clear)
2 tbsp. margarine
1/2 cup lime juice

Directions:

Heat oven 350 degrees F. In saucepan mix sugar, lime juice, margarine, and rum. Heat 15 min. to boiling. Peel the plantain, cutin diagonal slices, and arrange them in a baking dish. Cover plantain with the mixture and bake for 30 min. Turn it over every 15 min.

these are super easy sunday recipes or anytime I guess but we eat it mostly Sundays. I hope you enjoy these recipes

What do we eat on Sunday? Arroz con Pollo

Dont let the name fool you it sounds grand actually it only means "chicken and rice"! I just added the a la nana cause she teach me to make this at about age 11.

In my house this is a Sunday food and we eat it just about every Sunday that i can remember. My grandmother made it for my grandfather, my nana made it for my Poppi and I make it for Gabe....Every sunday. i also made it for nana and Poppi when they got old and could no longer cook It also makes the house smell so good on sunday with all the seasonings and all. We eat ours usually with rum soaked platains which i also will put the recipe in this blog. Im no great cook but the recipes i share here are really, really simple. They dont require a lot of prep work either. this recipe makes enough for you to have leftovers or take for lunch which is what we do here. but, the choice is yoiurs. i dont eat pork and u can omit it if you choose. not for religious i just do not digest beef and pork well but i do add it to this most times

Ingredients:

3 lbs chicken pieces
about a cup of Crisco
1 lb pork cut in sm. pieces
1 can pimientos (sliced)
4 chorizo sausages
1/2 bottle stuffed olives
28 oz can tomatoes
2 bay leaves

15 oz tomato sauce ( i use hunts)
4 cups rice *
1 bunch parsley (chopped)
1 tsp saffron *
2 large onions (chopped)
Salt & pepper to taste
4 cloves garlic (chopped)
1 can peas

Directions:

Brown chicken and pork in Crisco. Add sausages and cook. (I take out some of the grease before adding the rest of the ingredients.) Then add tomatoes, tomato sauce, parsley, onions, garlic, bay leaves, saffron, salt and pepper. Simmer until chicken is tender. Remove chicken and add rice. Cook on medium high until liquid is absorbed. Then cover tightly and steam until rice is done. When serving, add can of heated peas and pimientos over the top. sometimes i just use the can but if you really wwant to go all out you can make them from dried peas but thats hours and you will need to do it like one daay before.

Arrange chicken around the sides. (Or remove chicken from bones and add to rice.) Parsley may also be used if you plan to serve it in your dining room it will be decorative..

We eat a Panamanian dinner here in brooklyn, New York every Sunday with arroz con pollo, plantain, stuffed chayote, mango salad and a coffee dessert. the secret with coffee instead of using cream use readi whip. It tastes so much better and makes it look like your really a culinary something or other LOL

very important ! *(Saffron is expensive and sometimes hard to find. I buy packaged Saffron rice and substitute half that kind with regular plain white rice, please dontg use uncle nbens converted or that crappy minute rice in the plastic bag!!! just use half plain and it gives it a extra good flavor.)

---

rum soaked plantains are really easy to make. make sure you know how to buy your plantains. use the yellow ones for these type of recipes the green ones are good for cooking your brekfast plantain cereal with bacon, etc. But for this i use ripe sweet ones.

6 ripe plantains
2 tbsp. rum (clear)
2 tbsp. margarine
1/2 cup lime juice

Directions:

Heat oven 350 degrees F. In saucepan mix sugar, lime juice, margarine, and rum. Heat 15 min. to boiling. Peel the plantain, cutin diagonal slices, and arrange them in a baking dish. Cover plantain with the mixture and bake for 30 min. Turn it over every 15 min.

these are super easy sunday recipes or anytime I guess but we eat it mostly Sundays. I hope you enjoy these recipes

Sunday dinner recipes from our house 2 you (anyone can make)

Ive always wanted to share our recipes with as many people as possible because we all cook so diffrent. When I first met my G nana cooked much of the foods from home. It is very true a way to a guys heart is thru his stomich. If u can cook u can look like a goola gong and get a great catch. But then you must keep it up...

Every Sunday in our house is Arroz con pollo we eat chicken every sunday. Tho I dont care for pork in Panamanian cooking its a stable! My nana would turn over in her grave for her to know sometimes I do not add the pork to this recipe but if you cook it right you will not miss it. I will include it here. i hope those of you who love to cook find this very easy. I have made this for so long I just know it with out the measures! My mother never really used a measuring a cup and the more you make these recipe you to wont. I dont think honestly we have any measuring spoons! I have addded measurements for you though have fun

Ingredients:

3 lbs chicken pieces
about a cup of crisco (sometimes i use virgin olive oil but it is very expensive to do so!)
1 lb pork cut in sm. pieces (sometimes i omit or use just half)
1 can pimientos (sliced)
4 chorizo sausages
1/2 bottle stuffed olives
28 oz can tomatoes (i use hunts)
2 bay leaves 15 oz tomato sauce (i use hunts)
4 cups rice *
1 bunch parsley (chopped)
1 tsp saffron *
2 large onions (chopped)
Salt & pepper to taste
4 cloves garlic (chopped)
1 can peas

Very simple directions:

Brown chicken and pork in Crisco. Add sausages and cook. (I take out some of the grease before adding the rest of the ingredients.) Then add tomatoes, tomato sauce, parsley, onions, garlic, bay leaves, saffron, salt and pepper. Let Simmer until chicken is very tender. Remove chicken and add rice. Cook on medium high until liquid is absorbed. Then cover tightly and steam until rice is done. When serving, add can of heated peas and pimientos over the top.

Arrange chicken around the sides. (Or remove chicken from bones and add to rice.) Parsley may also be used if your into decorating or your going to put it on the dining room table.)

This recipe is very, very easy . I fix a Panamanian style dinner as my nana did for years every Sunday. Sometimes during the easter season I subsitute and use Hens. However, do not use the basic fowl as its mad tough and just takes forever to get tender. With chicken with arroz con pollo, plantain (which I will share recipe with next) stuffed chayote, mango salad and usually a coffe dessert. Everyone sleeps after this meal and we look forward to it here.

Please rember or make note saffron is kind of expensive and hard to find. When we lived in North carolina I had a really hard time finding it. Until I find a mexican store in Thomasville, NC sometimes tho you can find it in the spanish section of wal mart super centers tho. NMy nana would do this when things were hard to get she would buy the packaged saffron rice and subsitute half of that with regular plain white rice. Dont mix it with converted rice though ok? Just plain rice you get a lot of flava.

If you are inviting a few friends say its football day or even desperate housewives night these are good things to add they are really simple and can be made really quick trust me on that.

these are called plantains what many people dont know is that you can make them with rum! We do this mostly at Christmas time or during cold weather.

6 ripe plantains
2 tbsp. rum (clear)
2 tbsp. margarine
1/2 cup lime juice

Directions: You must use your oven dont try to cook this in a microwave. They wont taste the same
pre heat your oven to 350 degrees while your like prepping this this recipe. In saucepan mix sugar, lime juice, margarine, and rum. Heat 15 min. to boiling. Peel the plantain, cutin diagonal slices, and arrange them in a baking dish. Cover plantain with the mixture and bake for 30 min. Turn it over every 15 min. If you dont like alcohol you must remember that when you cook it the alcohol evaporates so you wont really get sstoned or nothing like that.

oh i forgot to add for those of you who dont know how to buy platains the yellow is best as they are sweet ones. The green ones are good for brekfast cereal recipes. so for this get ripe yellow plantains they are usually a few cent more than the green.

recipe for Avacado soup a family favorite

Hi everyone this recipe is very simple and it is best when avacados are in season. My nana use to fix this and It is one of the first things I learned to cook as a child. Its really inexpensive to make and it tastes very good ( at least to us and even our dog will eat it too LOL)

• 3 cups chicken consomme
• 2 avocados, mashed
• 1 avocado, cubed
• whipped cream or evaporated milk ( I use whipped cream most of the time but evaporated milk is ok)

You must first mash your avacados up thats really your only prep work

Add the mashed avocados to warm consomme and blend thoroughly. Cook slowly, stirring constantly until the soup comes to a boil. Remove from the fire immediately and pour over the cubed avocado in the soup bowls. Put a dollop of lightly salted whipped cream or a little evaporated milk on top of the soup. This recipe serves two or three. Or one very hungry person

Things from our kitchen

(When avocados are in season).
Ingredients:

• 3 cups chicken consomme
• 2 avocados, mashed
• 1 avocado, cubed
• whipped cream or evaporated milk

Add the mashed avocados to warm consomme and blend thoroughly. Cook slowly, stirring constantly until the soup comes to a boil. Remove from the fire immediately and pour over the cubed avocado in the soup bowls. Put a dollop of lightly salted whipped cream or a little evaporated milk on top of the soup. This recipe serves two or three.

Nuturing friendships of a diffrent kind

I was walking with my friend J he follows Islam but me and him and his wife are cool and its always great to talk to people no matter how different your views are. You learn something it doesn't mean you take everything they say as the gospel according too.... But it means that it gives you a reason to get a book and try to find out why they believe it.

The good thing I feel about me is i can really talk about anything without arguing. Even if I don't believe it I really believe their is a reason why so many of us have so many different thoughts and ideas.

We talked about religion by defination I'm a catholic and he practices Islam but in the 6 years we have been friends we have never disrespected each other and he knows when to fall back and I do too. For instance when holidays come. I always say well I hope the new year is great for you completly disregarding christmas. Where as some people just go right on and send a damn card with the blessed virgin or Jesus on it. Stuff like that is not gonna change anyones mind about anything so whty bother? If a person is your friend you must respect the friendship.

Today was deep we sat up in his apt on the 24th floor overlooking manhattan and his wife's niece who is 18 me and him we kicked it about politics, relationships and religion and it wasn't a drag. I realized that gay, straight, young and old we all have our beliefs. many people who claim. They cant tolerate narrowmindness , or weakness, religious people or people who are Agnostic or Atheist or whatever sometimes don't realize that they themselves are being narrow minded. Would you try to force an asexual person to try intercourse?

A good example is a friend who is an Elder in the COGIC denomination. To him everything begins and ends with what he was taught and that is basically what he believes. I knew him maybe 7 years and at one time we were good friend despite his arrogance and blatant hypocrisy otherwise, he was a great person. He talked to my father and I remember thinking if he disrespects my father Imma whip his mutha fuckin ass. But he didnt , he and my father talked about an issue that he was adamnt about...Titthing. The result of the marathon talk session. My friend said, Your father is amazing he explained the concept to me and then he told me at one point. "Son you make good points but sometimes if you want to put you point across you have to put a little salt on it" My father checked hi in such a dignified way that they were aboe to discuss what could have been a difficult topic.

But some people aren't like that,

The rest of the day was a drag but that 3 hours spent in the company of good company was well spent

Random 5 am thoughts from my Sidekick

I am so glad to be able to blog again using a sidekick. Lying in bed lettin my thumbs do the work.
Theres this song we have been playing in the house a lot. Its called peace. I think its by an unsigned artist. Its on my homepage on the true urban Havoc show DJ wright plays it a lot. She just sings about how wveryone needs peace and its cool because I so can relate to that.
Sometimes, I just have to turn off the phones,the cell, and go in the room and just chill cuz for real u can't be no good to nobody if your stressed out.
Even when I was a single entity I couldn't have peeps around me 24/7 I'd get very aggie.
My friend Tricia keeps throwing party after party almost everyday shes drinking and I'm concerned.
Someone once told me when I was 15 you can't get high everyday because that means you have a problem.
So yesterday I told her old man that I was taking her shopping. So we went shopping like crazy poor people are prone to do. Buying stuff for our houses. The problem I have with females is they scare me and make me always want to protect them. I think if I had been hetrosexual I would have been a hell of a good husband and father.
I'm sure of that. When I was married I was a kid so that doesn't count.
Sometimes even though I'm in a relationship I wonder how ill feel at 70 being in love with a dude. He will be a shriveled up mother fucker by then.He is older than me now. Oh well by 70 it won't matter.

I read seniors are sexy tho my nana and poppi use to do it right up till he got 80 damn.

Gay and Bi Sexual men are often full of shit. They always say they want stability and then always want good looks too. Crap. I dated an ugly dude when I was 20 he was no picture of beauty but he had such a good heart. But. people don't care about the heart 2 much nowadays. Oh well. He ended up getting involved with that gay crew in jacksonville last I heard he was on drugs and had a veneral disease. But back then he was studying to be a EMT and he worked at pizza hut LOL. hell we were only twenty what am I suppose to do lie on this blog and say he was a freakin lawer LMAO. For the record at that time I worked at Po Folk resturant I was a prep cook receiving minimum wage. I was in college 2 those were fun days in retrospect. I could burn the hell outta a candle on both ends.
I have to go to work today sure wish I could hit a number.I don't hardly play numbers just as well everyday I check em and never win anyway. I have a job, Gabe has a job and we have our computer repair business and we still can't afford a decent vacation.
Bless be we have everything we need in our home and nothing breaks down often. I only had to buy a new microwave in 2008 I got a Cusinart it should last 15 years cause it was like a buck 30 oh and a new pot set. Pots last forever if you buy the good ones. Nana taught me that.
Tomorrow I must avoid my friend. She drinks too much and always trying to get me to drink too. I give up hard liqour I think it ages you. Dehydrates you 4 sure. I drink the punk ass wine coolers they are but 5 percent alcohol.
Now I CAN GO BACK TO SLEEP.

Random thoughts ...Simply having a wonderful Christmas Time, harlem on my mind (picture blog)

Well our crib is begining to catch the holiday season look and im happy

Today I was trying to catch up on my blogging and reading of blogs. celebrations have been heavy this month. Drinking and laughter and just catching up with people that we slide apart during the fall. far as im concerned they should really contact me after the gift giving season. Is their a gimmick here or what????

During my blogging I went to you tube and looked up various artist as i was oddly thinking of my great grandmother Queen Esther Perry isnt last years retreat at schroon lake, NY)that a mouthful of name? She fully believed in using the whole thing. She was a old school Harlem New York girl with a story for every occasion. She passed at age 98 . She donated boxes of pictures to the Shomberg libary here in Harlem, New York. Ironically, I ran across boxes of pictures where our Christmas tree was and we still have several boxes. me and Gabe looked at a few and decided we would donate them to the Shomberg libary because they are of the old New York. The el line is gone the old 125th street. Club after club ( she was a singing waitress in the 1930s at a club called "mexicos and a few other night club pics I ran across) fasinating. Ive included a pic or two in this blog but will problly scan the bulk sometime in (photo taken around 1948,49 in front of the orginal st. pauls baptist church, harlem. Rev. booker and his wife cora orginally from new port news, my mothers photo collection)2009 and post them. They are phenominal to look at life from the 1930s to the 1970s after that she was to old to photograph but boy oh boy what a brownie camerea could do!

Tomorrow Ill be in Harlem ill meet my peeps on 125th and park as we have some things to do. But I may take a few pics depending on the weather. Everything in Harlem is gone! The rusty ass Apollo is still there but its magic is just no more. They have financialy raped that damn place.

I remember a story my Great Grands told me when she lived in Harlem The Apollo Theater it was a irish Burlesque house. I think The owners use to own the Harlem Opera House (photo from the internet of harlem opera house)which is long gone. They then bought the Apollo so the Apollo as we know it has only been around since the 1930s. I rarely go there anymore. Its too expensive and too damn raggedy. Patti labelle and the bluebells are booked their this month Im no Patti fan but some of my friends love her to death. They get so sissified when you just say her name. i think she is like a demi god to gays over 40. She sings nice but I only heard a few of gher songs. Their was a stigma when I was a kid coming up. If you caught a guy listening to Patti labelle or Diana Ross or melba Moore you just knew they were gay as hell. Thats foolish of course but thats how it was.

The lafayette Theater was the other member of the big three in Harlem it is now an Episcopalian church. They still dance their tho to the glory of God i guess. Im just glad they didnt tear it down. History is what makes our future brighter!

The last of the big three was the Cotton Club. I believe they moved a couple of times in the early days i dont know their history well. From what i was told. Blacks only worked their they were not allowed as patrons so I could care the less for the cotton club tho it stands on 125th and 11th Ave.

My parents use to go to the Alahambra ballroom when I was a kid and its still their I think the Masonic lodge owns it now. They have great balls their. I have an Aunt whose lodge is the daughters of the Sahara they throw really beautiful Christmas parties.

My nana was a member of the Elks lounge they throw some parties. She said "humph they drink too much for me!" But we all grew up as Elks. That is a nice memory those parties in Jamacia Queens, NY.

I think this will be a nice end of the year. Im organizing all the popictures i took threw the year for my blogging. I like to take pictures i hope santa brings me a nice Nikon digital camera that would be very nice....

Journal2008120

They say if you keep living eventually you will get smarter. I believe this is true. For some anyway

My number one question? Why is everyone breaking up?

1. K&D broke up. I got a call. K is in Boston with his family. I should have known something was awry wen he said He was at the bar. Because I threw them a big party a few months ago celebrating their sobriety. Worst party of the year. No liquor at all because they were celebrating I forget how many years of sobriety. ( now thats even suspect)

Damn, I should have picked up on it then! I was so wrapped up in my birthday. The girl was blowdrying my hair straight I hate that damn shit. Imma get a hair cut hair is too much work. we were drinking Vodka that it must have dulled my damn senses.

Anyway, I was careful not too say to much. If I learned anything at all. When it comes to couples, gay ones anyway, when you put your 2 cents worth in and they get back together your viewed as the problem. Fuckin tired ass fags go figure. Im still wondering should I have a teaspoon of empathy or not.

Plus, they had a physical altercation because Papi chulo has a black eye. Or so I am told. I will see when I go into the city this week. Oh well. I liked hanging out with them as a couple but i did notice one seemed to do all the talking and interupt the other one. Gabe didnt care for either one. he never cares for too much of anything that requires walking and talking. But you can just never tell who is passive these days. Those submissives ones will fuck you up every time.

One of them is ok looking the other is ok too if you go for the Big pun type. he looks just like Big Pun but shorter. Hmm

2. We got home at 5:30 AM the other day, My birthday . My friend calls from Fla. he found out that his lover is having an affir. Mind you he didnt even say Happy Birthday. This one always is wrapped up in his self. Well I guess i am too if i wanted a hapy birthday LOL

WTF!! I was trying to marinate in my drunkedness. Couldnt even be drunk in peace .Damn i was toasted. Sometimes sex is good drunk after a couple years with the same person variety really does become the spice of life. Plus you say shit that in your right head you wouldnt feel right even saying! Im all for drunken sex 2x a year!

Anyway. he was checking his cell phone and the guys number and message or something like that came up. I told him. If it was me. i would simply call the number and be very respectful and ask are you and my friend involved cause if you are I need to just move on. Thats true, i just cant argue about shit like that. if someone is going to cheat their going to do so anyway so why get all upset. I told him ,but ask his lover are you cheating b4 you make the call. Give him a chance to come clean. Then you can decide what you want to do. he says he wants to take a HIV test. I wonder if he has it anyway and is just putting on all this drama to be able to out himself. If I have found out one thing. All the gays i know tend to be so damn dramatic. never just a call and a tell all. A whole broadway production you have to go thru! Oh well. Ill know in a few weeks if he calls and says Oh, Im positive da da da da da. I personally dont care one way or the other as im not sleeping with any of them but I just have a feeling this is some BS.

Thats what twitty did. Thats my arch enemey. I hate that fat faggot. Him and Gomez were tight and I know they use to talk shit. cause Gomez would tell me. he liked this other guy named G. Who now is a A Number one Crack head. We were going around years ago after high school i think and that damn Twitty. Oh, I get mad at his name. he went to prison too. Where he faithfully resides now. I should do a mean boy and find out where he is and write a letter saying Ha ha ha. Thats os childish but its a funny thought. He was a paralegal to at a good firm. I think that G turned him out to that life style in anyevent I wonder why i remembered him?

Back to my friend in Fla. He goes online to some site called adam and adam or something like that and is always meeting people then will call all the way to NY to tell me. Oh I met so and so from online. I always say imma peek at that site never do. It wouldnt come up on my sidekick and Im not doin that shit from my home computer. I think he met the guy hes with now from that site they been together about 3 years now. Im sure of it. Yup.

"How did they look"

"Oh they were ok but to young 4 me"

Every few weeks we have that same chat so I figure how can he be mad and hes doing the same thing his self....Drama!

I was laying in bed the other day. One of the few days we were both home and I asked gabe. "Did you ever cheat on me when we lived in East Flatbush?"

he said, "NO"

I said "OK" I mean I didnt either mainly because i couldnt get a guy I was going thru an ugly period or something. I had got this haircut back then that made me resemble a damn squirrel.

I get these periods in my life when i cant pick up a homeless bum. I swear. I broke up with gabe once in 2003 I had a dry spell. i swear it was the haircut! I had a short haircut All I could pick up was those damn dragqueens and ultra feminine men. It was a drag. U know when your on the outs with your lover you at least want something better so they feel horrible.

I dont believe in rules in a relationship at all. I just go by the do unto others rule. Too many rules make it a damn drag. I just expect what i put out. if I respect you respect me. Simple. That seems to work best in my life.

i always say If I plan to cheat id just break up with him. Im so not good at juggling romances. A player....Im Not. I use to wish I was when i was a teen but i go to getting all sensitive and shit...Oh well. besides I always figured if I have to get a veneral disease i want to know exactly where it came from. Word!

Patrica Nut, Diniro,Robbie nd Gabriel threw me a birthday party. I got some nice gifts. Im always thankful for gifts. Theres nothing I really want tho. That must be a sign that my ass is getting old. I had so much fun. We had Karoke. but everyone was so drunk they couldnt sing Pat sounded the worst. Shes my best friend tho. I really like her. Even though I get mad at her she has a good heart. Plus we always have each others back.

Tonight we are all suppose to go to a club in Manhatan but I am not going to go. I cant drink anymore. I have this paranoia about geting liver damage. cause most of my relatives dies of drink and stuff. Well Aunt Alice and Aunt Dodie did anywway. And my paternal grandfather was a alcoholic. So I may have the gene. Im careful about that.

So i wil be sick about 3pm im sure. But I will tell Gabe the truth. We were going to check out DJ Markus Wright whose doing a set at a club in lower manhattan. But Im not in the frame of mind to watch people on X and Jump and all that BS and here that damn tribal dance music. I pray that gabe doesnt have his heart set on it. Theres no cover thats all the incemntive he needs free. I want to watch desperate housewives and brothers and sisters tonight and just chill. This may take some ingenuity on my part?

This African guy invited me to a club a Drum and bass club on St. Marks place downtown manhattan. Pleeeze. But I asked him to give me a thing with his music on it. You know like a usb jump drive then i can just upload it next show and I would put it on the True Urban Havoc Show the podcast. he was a nice cat too. His accent was heavy tho. i wish i was better with accent. When i was down south I swear i said "HUH?' all the time.

Gabe better step up to the plate with that podcast because Im the one doing it and im no damn DJ . Im not even crazy about house music like that. I like jazz truthfully. I listened to a celtic show on PBS the other day. i enjoyed it. It was called celtic Women. Didnt see a single black face in the audience.

That Podcast tho. but the people contact me and I get all the music. I wonder could I make a paying career out of this? Ed Sulivan did. That old fart had no talent but could smell a good act. i read this is in a book.

Imagine if i could become famous for something? That would be cool. Im so shy tho id get drug with all that.Real fast. I love my peace and quiet too much.

Oh well, the Evangelist called me. I like her. She use to do the sunday shows 'words of Inspiration" she was complaining that the church relagated her to the vistation comittie because there seems to be a problem with the finances. The pastor holds the checkbook. I told her I didnt think that was funny at all. Because people depend on pastors and thats stealing. But i didnt want to go into it. I get mad at bullying real easy. To me thats bullying plus its none of my business and im tired of getting high blood pressure off of other peples business.

Gabe likes his new job hope he keeps it. His father is pissed he isnt at the store. Said the bodega would be his one day. hell that old man will live to be 300 out of spite. LOl. I told him I would help sometimes if he really needs me. i just like to get the free milk and eggs and run my mouth at the counter anyway. He says I eat my pay up. LOL. Im glad gabe is doing his own thing. At least i dont have to wait up till 4am anymore he has regular hours. But, I have been this road B4 im pretty sure he will go back. i told him to take an accounting or book keeping class that way the family is handling all aspects of this business. he thought that was smart and so did Papi.

This has been a good week

Motherless child (tribute to Odetta)

Something more than right

The whispers I hear

they are not my imagination

They are my ghosts of yesterdays

whispering

take courage my son and move forward

Do not not embrace the past

for it is dust

Ask yourself my son

did I gather?

did I save?

for your barren winter has arrived

I must recover what I have gathered from your wisdom

I have hid it deep in my soul

taken gracefully

given abundantly

from your long life

From your soul

You offered

Thank God i took

I received

I held on

and now I may savour

and now I give thanks

I wont cling

for if I do

Your job was in vain

I know its time to let go

black raiment is best worn on those who are guilt gotten

who have failed to accept the abundance of riches

that only a wise woman can give

But I must admit mother

Im scared

You showed me what to look for

when I thought I had found love

Ive looked

i know

I accept

Im thankful

Now I know I have to let you go

just like the dark night gives way to the sheer brillance of morn

I have to let go

surrender

but I will retain

not just memories of laughter and glee

but the important things

someone had to teach you so that you could pass them down to me

To always be humble

to offer the gift of trust

to embrace the glo of love

to never ever feel I have the right

to treat those who love me anything but right

Love and trust

hard earned but can be quickly lost

so quickly lost

and like a single sand

in a busted hour glass

can never again be found